There are so many ways to define a great relationship.
It’s kinda obvious when you know that the person you are with is right for you.
You love them, you get along and you have similar taste when it comes to music and food.
But what if the problem is more than just great dates?
What if you try to make a move in the bedroom, but your partner doesn’t want to have sex, what happens then?
In a world where finding a date can happen in minutes with a swipe on your phone, how does one know if sex can be the ultimate red flag to breakup?
When it comes to everlasting, fairytale relationships, what’s sex got to do with it?
Not wanting sex is a problem experienced by both men and women and in same-sex relationships.
When they tell you “no not tonight”, what is the first thing that comes to mind?
“Oh my god he’s no longer interested in me.”
“There’s someone else.”
Personally I know that I will start making up scenarios in my mind and I’ll start doubting everything.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
Here’s what I do know and what doesn’t work:
Repressing the sexual feeling.
If you stop initiating sex because you’re afraid of the rejection, you’ll begin to shy away from all displays of attraction.
You’ll eventually be tempted to look elsewhere for sex.
Problems with sex are the number one reason why couples seek therapy.
When the sex is good it’s important by like 20% but not nearly as important as other factors in the relationship.
However when it’s bad, it takes on the most powerful role almost destabilizing the relationship, about 80%.
There may be many reasons why your partner doesn’t want sex right now: they’re tired, they feel fat, hormones are all over the place, but the truth is these are excuses that can get old.
It can, in the long run, become very frustrating for the partner who does want sex.
No sex is a deal breaker.
Are you an asshole if you decide to end your relationship because of the sex issue?
The answer is simple: No.
If you want sex in your relationship and you aren’t getting it then it’s very reasonable to assume that this is an issue for you.
Sexual attraction is a state, not an emotion.
You are either attracted to someone or you aren’t.
Of course both parties need to try to make it work.
But if after trying everything; talking, spicing it up, sex toys, foreplay and there is still nothing then it’s a clear sign that this relationship isn’t working.
If it’s not working for you why would you wait around if you’re not happy?